Ambrose Bierce

Pray To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Faith Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Calamities are of two kinds misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Cabbage A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

Brain an apparatus with which we think we think.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

To be positive To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.

Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

Painting The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

Quotation, n The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.